10 Things I didn’t know about being a Military Wife!
Image: combat boots
Here is a list of the top 10 things about Military wife life that most took me by surprise when we transitioned from civillian to military life! Leave a comment below if you would add anything … or if you are equally surprised to learn about any of these aspects of Army life.
1] It will PERMANENTLY look as though the Army threw up all over your house!
Gone are the days of a tidy and functional entryway to our home. Littered absolutely everywhere are pairs of Defence issue shoes: multiple pairs of combat boots (some for the barracks, some for out field), dress shoes (for dining events) and sneakers (for everyday PT). Between the shoes, several sizes of regular issue duffel bag, some suitcases, wet weather gear, cold weather gear, everyday uniforms, dress uniforms and thousands of pieces of combat gear that won’t see the light of day until deployment - oh - and don’t forget dozens of half-eaten ration packs that are cluttering my pantry at any given time and the many training manuals and documents that are overflowing from every nook and cranny of my “spare room”; my home is a veritable, mud caked, surplus of army gear. Maybe one day we’ll actually get ourselves organised and stow it all in the garage!
Image: Australian Army slouch hat
2] The regular sound of gunfire nearby will become strangely familiar.
My aging Defence issue home is weathered and full of cracks thanks to the constant pounding it receives from weapons fired on the range behind our home. On a nearly daily basis, the walls shake and windows rattle from bombs being lobbed during training exercises (the first boom of which ALWAYS makes you jump) and yet … these sounds have gone from being a frightening reminder of the ever-present realities of human mortality and war, to a somewhat comforting sound. A sound that fills us with pride at the courage and skill displayed by our loved ones every day and that reminds us of the privileged position we are in; to live in safety, in a free country.
3] Dining In nights are a thing.
In Australia, mess dress colours are a nod to our British heritage. i.e. officers in some sectors of the Army wear white or black dress pants and red ceremonial coats. When hubby said dining in night was a mess function - I expected to be eating in a green canvas tent (think M*A*S*H) - what I got was The Patriot. 100 year old candle sticks and silverware in a 150 year old sandstone dining hall adorned with decades of awards, photographs and accolades; surrounded by officers in red coats drinking port and trading tales of deployments past. Needless to say, as a freshly minted Defence wife, I was super embarrassed to not know when to sit or when to stand; when to salute or when to toast. Nor did any of the officers ranks or titles register with me yet and I was dismayed to find that age wasn’t the most reliable indicator of who had the most seniority. Let’s just say I was endlessly entertained to watch almost this exact scenario play out in the first episode of Army Wives - kudos to the show’s writers …. they’ve definitely done their research. It’s an intimidating culture for the uninitiated to walk into.
4] Three things WILL happen each and every time you and your soldier spouse are separated…
Few things are certain in life, but each time hubby departs for multiple weeks of training on the other side of the country, I have come to count on the following happening and I am never disappointed:
*A major appliance WILL spontaneously break down and throw my household routine into chaos. I now counter this eventuality by having the phone numbers of repair people handy, along with manufacturers warranty papers and store receipts. I also note where the nearest community access point for this service is (i.e. laundromat, car mechanic etc.) or, have a neighbour on standby if I need to borrow a car or run a load of washing!
*My home WILL be overrun by some sort of pest infestation. So far, I’ve encountered infestations of scorpions, mice, millipedes and spiders. We keep a steady supply of traps, bait and insecticide in storage now in case I have to handle a situation while hubby is away.
*A child WILL need emergency medical care. I have three children and inevitably one of them will have an accident or after-hours emergency while I’m solo parenting. There is nothing more stressful than trying to juggle multiple young children in a hospital emergency room in the middle of the night. I make sure now to keep my medicine cupboard stocked with all the over-the-counter painkillers, first aid supplies and other remedies possible. I have on my refrigerator phone numbers for 24/7 nursing hotlines and in the case of absolute emergency, I make sure to have at least 1 or 2 contacts who could watch younger siblings or accompany me to hospital.
5] The dread/fear & anxiety that accompany the news that your loved one is about to leave, never get less.
This one is pretty self-explanatory; part of Army life and dare I say, the biggest part of being a Defence wife, is expecting the unexpected. Your loved one will always be given travel orders at the LAST possible moment (think days or hours of notice) and without fail, every time I hear the words “I’m going away” … I retreat into a pit of anxious nerves and fears and self-pity that last until the moment he hops on a plane and then, my Army wife mode kicks in and I simply get on with what I need to do.
6] Short-term separations do become easier.
While the first couple of weeks-long separations felt fairly traumatic to my children and I, by the third and fourth; our routine was down pat. I'll never cease to be amazed at the independence and capability of my big girls when their daddy is away: helping with their baby brother, fixing breakfast for each other and taking charge of their own needs & wants … all without prompting from me. Our motto that we repeat daily when we're separated by training or one day - deployment - is: "we work as a team". Spending time apart really does bring out the best & worst in each of us, but for the most part; we're there for each other and we pull together to do what needs to be done.
Image: children playing on a decommissioned Australian Army tank
7] Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder
Am I alone in expecting that every reunion would be an incredible romantic moment, forever etched in our memories and fueling the next incredible season in our marriage?
Call me crazy, but I was kind of shocked to find that reuniting on the other end of an absence was more difficult than parting or being apart. It turns out people grow and subsequently change in the space of very little time. Babies go from lying to rolling, sitting & walking in mere weeks. Toddlers develop critical language & reasoning skills - not to mention height! - in just as short a time and us grown-ups, well, we find out some things about ourselves too. With ample space to think and try new things, we often reunite as changed individuals and inevitably have awkwardness, maybe even conflict, to work through before we begin the process of becoming reacquainted.
8] Acronyms & abbreviations become a way of life.
Hubby and I have few conversations these days that aren’t peppered with Army contractions (hubby's go to is "Ack that" instead of "sure babe") or accentuated with hugely long acronyms for buildings or departments whose actual names are usually shorter than the acronyms they're represented by. Honestly - most of these terms are total gibberish to me; I smile, nod and sheepishly shrug when anyone asks me the unit number of hubby's last post, or which firearm he qualified on most recently. I'll get there one day - for now - like my dear friend Hawkeye, I'll be in my tent having a margarita with a lizard ;)
9] Minimalism becomes your middle name.
We've only been a Military family for 18 months, but just thinking about the number of cross country moves we've racked up in our nearly 10 years of marriage is enough to give me a headache. We've gone from being neat & tidy and making thoughtful purchases to being BRUTAL minimalists. Seriously, we had 6 place settings of dinnerware when we moved here 6 months ago, I think we're down to 3 (between a family of 5 haha) but the way we see it; hey - one less thing to pack at the end of the year!
10] You can fall in love with this life if you let yourself.
Having worked in multiple civilian sectors before becoming a defence family, we are constantly amazed at the privilege our current lifestyle affords; from stability of pay and readily available housing, to career progression opportunities, neighbourhood/family programs and facilities, along with friends to make wherever we go. For all of its quirks and hardships - have we regretted our move to the Army? … not once.
What do you say dear reader … what would be on your list?, or if you aren’t a Defence family, are you surprised by anything in mine?
Leave a comment below - I can’t wait to say hello!
